Staff Writer - Katrin Callender

You never feel quite as low as when you discover that the object of your affection has feelings for someone else. You do all you can to win the same look but you know it’s a shot in the dark; they look at the other as you look at them- quite possibly as someone is looking at you- and you cannot seem to stop. And you ache. You ache like you have caught a vicious disease, debilitating and terminal. This person is your cure but you can never have a full dose. You subsist on polite smiles and interaction that is a thousand times less intimate than you desire it to be. This is how you live- nay exist- until you learn to live without them; find someone else; or in the saddest of cases, until you pass away. Yes, ‘Love is a many splendid thing’ …for those who have it!

There are numerous songs, paintings, books and films about love –in all its forms- with which any one of us can identify. And we do. We find heroes and heroines in idealized versions of ourselves. We will ourselves to be as pensive as Rodin’s ‘The Thinker’; or as beautiful, as pure and as perfect as Boticelli’s Venus (Birth of Venus); as sensual as Peggy Lee’s cover of ‘Fever’; as memorable as any of Jane Austen characters or as romantic as the kiss on the beach in ‘From Here to Eternity’. And we hope to have our happy ending, or at least be as exciting and as timeless as any of these are. And most of all, as well loved.

Look into my eyes

If your long, longing, loving looks are not returned, I am sorry for your pain whether it takes a week, a month, a year or years to go away. It is very real even though there will always be people who call it a crush or similarly diminish the seriousness of our feelings. Sometimes this is their best attempt at comforting us as shocking a thought as that is. And in such a case, I am thrilled that you have a support network, you will need it. The journey from heartache to a place where you can be confident and even charm a new love interest can be a long one.

Really think about the person that you desired. What did you like about them? And if it didn’t work because of another person, what sort of person did they desire? What does this choice say about them? Could it really have worked between you, especially given their choice of mate? What sort of person are you? What sort of person would you want to be with? Does this person really fit that description? You may not get over the object of your affection just by asking, or even answering these questions. But you will learn a great deal. And you will feel empowered to take one small step at a time. Before you realize it, you will have come far away from that situation. Its pain and confusion a distant memory, and renewed, clear vision will help you to continue to put more distance between that memory and yourself. Life may bring a new person to you, or the same one, or you may find that you like being single. The thing about those long, longing, loving, looks is that if you breathe, and allow yourself to blink, the picture may be changed to a better one!