There are numerous songs, paintings, books and films about love –in all its forms- with which any one of us can identify. And we do. We find heroes and heroines in idealized versions of ourselves. We will ourselves to be as pensive as Rodin’s ‘The Thinker’; or as beautiful, as pure and as perfect as Boticelli’s Venus (Birth of Venus); as sensual as Peggy Lee’s cover of ‘Fever’; as memorable as any of Jane Austen characters or as romantic as the kiss on the beach in ‘From Here to Eternity’. And we hope to have our happy ending, or at least be as exciting and as timeless as any of these are. And most of all, as well loved.
If your long, longing, loving looks are not returned, I am sorry for your pain whether it takes a week, a month, a year or years to go away. It is very real even though there will always be people who call it a crush or similarly diminish the seriousness of our feelings. Sometimes this is their best attempt at comforting us as shocking a thought as that is. And in such a case, I am thrilled that you have a support network, you will need it. The journey from heartache to a place where you can be confident and even charm a new love interest can be a long one.
Really think about the person that you desired. What did you like about them? And if it didn’t work because of another person, what sort of person did they desire? What does this choice say about them? Could it really have worked between you, especially given their choice of mate? What sort of person are you? What sort of person would you want to be with? Does this person really fit that description? You may not get over the object of your affection just by asking, or even answering these questions. But you will learn a great deal. And you will feel empowered to take one small step at a time. Before you realize it, you will have come far away from that situation. Its pain and confusion a distant memory, and renewed, clear vision will help you to continue to put more distance between that memory and yourself. Life may bring a new person to you, or the same one, or you may find that you like being single. The thing about those long, longing, loving, looks is that if you breathe, and allow yourself to blink, the picture may be changed to a better one!