Staff writer - Maria Costa
That moment when you realise your man is flailing and needs not just your affection but your support, help and guidance.
How does it make you feel; are you honoured that you have the chance to prove that you are not just a fair weather girlfriend, but you can also be there during the difficult times too? Or does the idea of putting yourself out for your partner remind you too much of something far more serious than you bargained for…young relationships are supposed to be fun, aren’t they?!
When Mr.Caribbean came to me with eyes full of sorrow and asked me to help him fill out a job application form, I was only too happy to help. After all, I adored him in every way possible and I had a degree in writing; why not amalgamate my passion for him with my passion for writing?
And so we turned the task in to literary foreplay and by the end of the night, I could see in his eyes that lust had transiently been interspersed with gratitude (and although I may have ceased to admit it at the time, a touch of dependence)
He managed to attain the job in question and for a fleeting moment, I was his saviour, his ‘ride or die chick’, his love. Of course, I basked in the glory of being the only person to have portrayed loyalty towards him and our euphoria lasted all of a week until he realised he needed to borrow a few hundred pounds until pay day. The sorrowful eyes made another appearance and I caved. What more could I do, you have to stand by your man through thick and thin…don’t you?
That feeling where although you know your partner loves you, you are also well aware that the niggling doubt that they’re taking advantage of you just won’t go away. A feeling which seemed to adopt a life of its own when we were out shopping and Mr.Caribbean spotted that brand new pair of trainers. I knew what was coming and so I pre empted the sorrowful eyes and narrowed mine instead.
Great relationship therapy!
Trying overtly hard to not sound like a mother screaming at her 6 year old son, I near bellowed
”No way! Nu-uh. I’m not buying them for you. You can forget it” .
Whilst I didn’t mean my voice to sound as aggressive as it did, something within me appeared to have made up its own mind for me. My heart was scared and angry and it wasn’t going to let this one go.
Naturally, I waited until we had actually left the Oxford Street Footlocker before I elaborated (with the condemned trainers remaining firmly on the shelf).
I knew not a gentle way to tell my boyfriend that although I loved him, I just couldn’t do everything for him. I opted instead of boosting his current achievements and hinting at how amazingly sexy an independent man is. Of course, the possible rewards of this kind of approach take time to reap so I could do nothing else but hope that it would work.
Would he realise by himself? Or would he eventually see me as a selfish girlfriend whose sole relationship predilections were for sunny days and blue skies?
I attempted to alleviate my guilt with the notion that although it is a distinct pleasure to be able to provide a safety net, it has been noted that more often than not it is the people who love you the most who take advantage.
We all want to be there for our partner but is there any shame in putting your foot down first as you’re catching their back?
