Lucian Blogger Norbert ‘Nobbie’ Williams. Photo courtesy Facebook
Social commentary. St. Lucia is littered with tormented victims of sexual crimes too numerous to mention. As we will all agree a large proportion of these broken individuals suffer in silence, fear, and shame. Not only because of the acts perpetrated against them by their abuser but as a result of the ridiculous and unashamed denial by family and friends.
How many stories have we all heard of young girls complaining to their mothers about their stepfathers or about mummy’s current boyfriend who sexually molests them? You would have expected that their maternal instincts would have kicked in for the preservation of their child’s sanctity, but no! Instead, these horribly misguided mothers, grandmothers, aunties, sisters, and other female relatives are the first ones to denounce such cries for help. The responses below are common denials to reports of abuse:
“You lie!”
“Ou trop jamet.”
“At your age is man you want.”
“Shut your ass, why you lying on him. He pays for your school and gives us money to pay the bills.”
“Why are you trying to break up my relationship. Your father set you up to do this.”
Mothers who pimp out their underage girls to men for financial returns. Just yesterday, because of the brouhaha on Facebook and in anticipation of my story today, I was messaged by a friend with a story of a mother in St. Lucia. This lady sent her twelve year old daughter to the bedroom of a male friend who was staying for the weekend at their house. The little girl knocked on the door and when it was answered said she had been sent by her mother to spend the night with him. When asked why she answered that it was for money so she could buy school books. The man sent her back and asked her to send her mother instead. Is this desperation or what? How will this mother’s actions affect her daughter in years to come. What values will she have relating to sex, love, and relationships? And the big question remains, “Was this the first time?”
Too often children making reports of sexual abuse encounter disbelieving parents. Shouldn’t the first priority of any mother be the safety of her child?
Unfortunately the victims of these crimes are too often dissuaded from speaking out against their abuser. This creates a myriad of complicated psychological, relationship, and personal problems which have far reaching implications. We see so many people walking our streets with so many issues and have no clue the horrors they may have endured as children. In our workplaces, and social groups we see behaviours for which we have no clue as to their origin. We may be mystified by a friend’s paranoia, fear of intimacy, or even bitterness towards the opposite sex, not realizing the psychological scars and baggage they carry.
What must we do?
It is time to speak out as a nation. Not just making noise online and between ourselves but for meaningful results and better protection of our most precious and vulnerable resource. This can only be accomplished by highlighting an age old problem within our society. It is a dirty little secret that we must all confront if there is to be any meaningful change. How many of you reading these lines were assaulted by a nasty, stinking rapist or child abuser. And how many of you after being molested were courageous enough to tell your story only to be met with scorn, shame, and denial?
Too many times the reason not to come forward is because the abuser is a married man; has a big job; or that the exposure of their actions will cause the breakup of his family. Far too often the protection of the abuser is more important than the welfare victim?
Photo courtesy driverlayer.com
Although in many of these stories we tend to concentrate on female victims, young boys very often bear a great deal of the sexual molestation meted out. Sometimes molesters seem to have no preference and will target both boys and girls. Others prefer to specialize in their sordid ways. We have a society where too many excuses are made which allow these indecent, violent, and ILLEGAL acts to occur and go unreported for decades. Too many of us who should know better are facilitators and enablers for perverted, deviant, miscreants. Very often these sexual abuses result in pregnancy and children born to under aged girls. How the hell can a girl under the legal age of consent become pregnant, have a child, and yet still no one goes to jail? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
How many wives turn a blind eye to these acts? Some of these people are so dependent on an abuser that they will allow their daughters to face the brunt of these assaults and pretend they hear nothing. They know what happens when these slimy perpetrators get out of bed in the middle of the night and don’t return to bed within a few minutes. Does it take half an hour to go pee? In too many families these criminals remain a dirty little secret because the family is too ashamed to let anyone outside of their circles know what really goes on. They all know to keep their children close at hand during family functions when Uncle Joe is around because he is the family pervert. If any child is out of sight or Uncle Joe is missing someone will come looking. But let any word of Uncle Joe’s nasty habits leak outside and they will circle the wagons to protect the family reputation. And how many times have we heard of these behaviours ‘running’ in families? Father, sons, uncles, sometimes all seem to have a flair for underaged girls or boys, or have rapist inclinations? St. Lucia is small and many people know who you are!
We see too many people who are quick to defend sex abusers with every excuse they can invent. Every reason not to deal with this serious issue is proffered. There always seems to be the excuse that we cannot afford the kind of enforcement necessary to stop these acts. If we are to apply this thinking to all crimes then we might as well do away with our police, the courts, and our jails.
The legal system is not perfect, but it is better than none at all. If there were no penalties or repercussions to our actions there would be chaos. It is important that we now seriously discuss dealing with this age old issue. It is long overdue!
Children who are abused should always speak out. If any young person or even adult is reading these words and is being abused TELL SOMEONE! If the first person you tell, mummy, sister, aunty, or anyone else does not believe you STOP and find someone ELSE! Tell your teacher or someone you trust until someone will listen.
If you are in your room at night, or anywhere else and someone touches you inappropriately SCREAM and say NO, DO NOT TOUCH ME! Kick and scream. BITE if you have to.
We must speak in a language children understand. Don’t be clinical in your conversations with them. Tell them simply not to let anyone touch their cackalack or cockolock and if anyone does to tell you immediately. Insist on this, and one day it may very well be crucial to them.
As part of this process Zandoli International Foundation (a St. Lucian organization registered in New Jersey) is proposing the setup of a sex offender registry in St. Lucia. Additionally, it is also proposing that any St. Lucian convicted for any sex crime in any other country be also registered in St. Lucia. This is particularly because the St. Lucian man recently convicted for a sex crime in New Jersey is known to travel frequently to St. Lucia multiple times each year. Zandoli International Foundation, of which I am a member, has also started an online petition for signatures which will be eventually forwarded to the government of St. Lucia for consideration in the establishment of the sex offender registry. The petition has been dubbed “We Want To Know” because it is felt that every parent has the right to have all pertinent information available to them for the proper safety of their children.
Please sign the petition below to show your support and play your part in making a change. Click image…
Thank you.
Zandoli International Foundation petition for sex offender registry
“Violators cannot live with the truth: survivors cannot live without it. There are those who still, once again, are poised to invalidate and deny us. If we don’t assert our truth, it may again be relegated to fantasy. But the truth won’t go away. It will keep surfacing until it is recognized. Truth will outlast any campaigns mounted against it, no matter how mighty, clever, or long. It is invincible. It’s only a matter of which generation is willing to face it and, in so doing, protect future generations from ritual abuse.”- Christine Oksana
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