Have you ever noticed when you fall in love, have a comfortable friendship, or work with a great colleague you are prepared to do anything for that individual? Those euphoric feelings lead you to stretch yourself to accommodate that person even when you haven’t got the resources to sustain whatever they need, but you’re still happy to do it without question? Then, over a period of time as the relationship continues those very same things you didn’t mind doing in the early stages start to niggle you and resentment starts to creep in, which can lead to the demise of that precious connection. This ‘Relationship Crash’ occurs when we’ve not set something in place, and that thing is boundaries.
Did you know that God, Himself set boundaries in the earth? He set boundaries for nations, Acts 17:26¹, the borders of the earth…the seasons, Psalm 74:17², and the seas, Proverbs 8:29³. Whether you believe in God or not, I hope we can all agree that if no boundaries were set for the sea, we’d all be in a big mess, as we wouldn’t be able to build homes and live on dry lands. If God in His infinite wisdom saw fit to set boundaries in the earth to prevent our practical lives from being crashed by the sea, we should take a lesson from His book and set healthy boundaries to protect our own lives. We get so carried away by the feel good factor of that association that we fail to implement boundaries, such failure causes hurt, disappointment, and has us wondering what went wrong.
Where there’s no boundaries we feel drained, wrong expectations are created, coupled with misunderstandings and confusion. Boundaryless associations lead to codependency, fear to confront and wrongful thinking. Whereas if boundaries are set it creates transparency, clarity, healthy, happy and fruitful relationships. I’ve been guilty of not setting boundaries and saying yes to everything, then I’d come to the realisation that I couldn’t rise to the occasion which created strife and led to the breakdown of what could have been a precious alliance.
So how does one go about setting boundaries? One way to start is not to be afraid to say no, this two letter word is a powerful one which immediately lets both parties know where they stand concerning that situation. I used to be so fearful of saying the word no because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. However, I now realise there’s a benefit to saying no, that word on its own is a boundary builder please don’t be afraid to use it. By saying no sometimes you are preserving your special bond with the other person. I encourage you to build boundaries into your life so you will not crash your precious relationships!
- Are there any relationships in your life that are draining you?
- Have you set boundaries in that relationship?
- Are you feeling fearful in confronting things that you know are not right?
- Are you frightened to say no? If so please try to for your sake and the other person
- Ask yourself, are you prepared to let that relationship go if you cannot express who you are?
Until next time, remember you are beautiful and wonderfully made – If you’d like to discuss this you may reach me on https://www.facebook.com/caribbeanhookup/ – With love Amanda x.
Amanda Alexander is the founder of Elect Lady Ministries & Amanda Alexander Productions All rights reserved ©
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