In the previous episode I was summoned to Headmaster Fr. Mathew’s office for reading a Playboy magazine, regarded as ‘illicit material’. He walked into the office, his general office, where I was waiting for him with his secretary, as instructed. It was as though I were invisible, I did not constitute matter, I may have well been a filthy speck of dust sat on the chair serving no useful purpose as far as he was concerned. He spoke with his secretary in a tone that suggested he was up to something important, something out of the mundane, something that would define his career as an educator and leader of intelligent, gifted fellow.
The more he spoke the more I felt insignificant and worthless…I felt I had not deserved to hold that coveted place at that prestigious school…that I had cheated someone more deserving out of a space that they could put to good use by becoming a credit to society. Basically I was inadvertently psyched into thinking I was guilty of whatever he was going to label me with and that I should just make it easy, make no fuss and get out! It was the first time in my life I felt contempt by someone who did not address me personally or level any accusation at me, directly. For that moment in the office I was a mollusc, a unicellular animal with no spine, a being worthy of nothing more than being squashed into nothingness.
The moment finally came when he finished speaking with his secretary and he turned to his left and marched briskly into his office without as much as a glance at me, his aftershave or cologne being punctuated by the loud slam of his main office door. For a split second I was convinced I bore wings and was in a state of suspended animation for what seemed like an eternity. Again my senses had deserted me and I was thrust into temporary paralysis once again.
It was a busy day for Fr. Mathew. He had disciplinary sessions almost every hour, staff meetings, a snack, teacher interviews and what seemed like a shouting match with an irate parent over a no good student, a guy I happen to know. You see I happen to know the kind of day Fr. Mathew had because I sat outside his office the whole time! Yep…I was there well past the leaving time of his secretary who left promptly at 4pm, an hour after my class was dismissed for the day and the exact time I would normally be strolling into my yard from school.
I had never experienced this before and my mind was racing with possible scenarios of what was going to happen to me…was he planning to beat me up, kill me and dump my body over the cliff behind the school in the Caribbean sea, was he waiting on the police or social services to take me away to be locked up or was he waiting on my uninterested parents to come and remove this scum from his school. My mind went ape on me and I began to cold sweat when I thought let me knock on his door and remind him I was outside. Just as I was about to rest my knuckles on his door to exact the first wrap he shouted…Brian I know you’re there…go home and I will deal with you in the morning..’first thing! Now I’m in bigger trouble I thought…I’m going home late from school with no explanation as to why and I’m definitely going to get hammered and I thought…Life Sucks!!! Ram Goat
