Ram Goat
Last time I mentioned how shocked I was when my new found friend Hamish broke the news that the girl of my dreams was interested, intimately, in another boy. I was heart broken to say the least and felt deserted and betrayed by who I regarded as the one person I really loved and cared for! The problem was, she had no idea how I felt about her and quite frankly if she did, I don’t think she cared.
After Hamish broke the news I immediately began to sense a feeling of resentment toward him, coming on. I began to think he was not entirely sincere about his disclosure, that he may have had some ulterior motive especially as, by his own admission, he found her attractive. Before I knew it I began to distance myself from him; not going around to his place; not feeling well when he came to visit and not walking home from school with him. For some unknown reason I placed him in the same category as Angel, Pamela and Stephan…people who hurt people for the fun of it!
It was a tough time for me, adjusting to the news and considering what sort of friend Hamish was…What he didn’t know was that he was very important to me and my sense of myself. I needed his friendship to reassure me that I was not a waste of space but the notion that he may have deliberately mislead me about Angel was too much to bare. Of course I had no idea how to conduct myself when it came to him so I suspect my choice of behaviour was not entirely appropriate.
I went through a period of hibernation for about a week or so thinking about stuff like… should I forget about Angel and move on and amend my friendship with Hamish? I decided to dump Angel and everything to do with her and keep Hamish. It was the first time in my life I really felt for a male friend and was determined to hang on to him because generally he was a great guy and we got on well.
What I hadn’t realised was that while I made myself scarce with him he moved on with his life. I should have known it wouldn’t be long before he would find another companion to share his jokes and funny tirades. Hamish was charismatic and a good speaker so people sort of flocked to him and this somehow helped his shyness.
I decided to go over to his place and apologise for my behaviour and ‘fess up’ the reason why I was scarce. On both occasions I visited, times I knew he would normally be at home, he wasn’t in. I thought that very strange and began to think maybe he was onto me and my strange behaviour all along and decided to ditch me. That feeling made me seriously sick, I loss my appetite, I was depressed and had trouble sleeping because I kept thinking about how I’d feel or what I’d do if we broke up…it was a very difficult and tumultuous time.
It all came to a head on a Friday afternoon going home from school when we bumped into each other by our favourite mango tree and I approached him. He was cold, standoffish and very abrupt. I asked him how he was doing and he said it was none of my business. I then said I wanted to speak with him and he didn’t let me finish and said those fateful words, ‘I don’t want to be friends with you anymore Brian, I’ve got new friends now!’ His words felt like a knife in my heart and I suddenly felt, here we go again…Life Sucks!! Ram Goat
