African & Caribbean contributor – Joel O’Loughlin
A pal related a tiff he had with his girlfriend. “I don’t know man she takes everything so serious. I just make a joke and she flips out…. Black women eh can’t live with them, can’t live without them”. “Hang on a minute”, I sparked up in her defence, “it takes two to tangle”. Try as I might the brother wasn’t shifting, he was cocksure that “her problem” arose from her race not his behaviour.
This is not untypical and I have been in countless pointless discussions with black guys about ‘problem sisters’ which effectively is all of them. I would have let this one slide except on this very website I noticed an article entitled ‘10 Reasons why Black women over 30 are single’ and I freaked.
Apparently “Depending on who you talk to, anything between 44% and 77% of black women are single. Damn…hardly an inspiring statistic. But with all this doom and gloom perhaps we need a semi-light hearted approach to the situation”! The content was indeed light but laden with stereotypical gloom about Black women. Now, I got daughters so I want this crap to stop.
Here’s a little test I’ve devised for my ‘Bredren’. Read the following article sent to me by the most progressive sister I know and check your position below to assess your fitness to conduct a relationship with a Black woman. The article is an excerpt from a sex education school textbook for girls printed in the early 60s.
“When retiring to the bedroom prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. While feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance, your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom, as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep, as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.
Photo courtesy aestheticdesignstyle.blogspot.com
When it comes to the matter of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it.
In all things be led by husband’s wishes; do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy. Should your husband suggest congress then agree humbly all the while being mindful that a man’s satisfaction is more important than a woman’s. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had.
Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent. It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night-time face and hair-care products”.
Having read that do you:
a) Agree with the advice given
b) Feel lucky because your wife always acts this way
c) Wish you were back in the 60s
If you answered: a) You live in a cave
b) She’s getting it somewhere else
c) Become a Time Lord go back and prepare to be disappointed.
My Bredren if you are genuinely concerned about so many Black Women being single, sort yourselves out, fix up and marry one.
