Staff Writer - Katrin Callender
Piggish, Religious, Artistic, Friendly. We hasten to place individuals into categories almost as soon as we meet them. This makes life simpler somehow. We can anticipate their actions and protect ourselves or better empathize with them, if we ‘know’ them. But do we really know someone because we know their faith, or their preferred activities, after briefly interacting with them or seeing them exhibit certain behavior while with someone else? Do we know them because we think we do? Does it take a few minutes or a lifetime? And should we befriend persons who have much in common with us, nothing at all in common with us or find the middle ground?
We have all seen films where children in a cafeteria gather together according to some criteria and do not appear willing to mix. The brave protagonist propels the plot forward by taking a daring step out of his comfort zone. And much drama ensues before the happy and edifying conclusion.
I have worn many hats as I have progressed through life. Each new role came with experiences unique to my group. Among members of these groups, I made several new friends. It was not always my desire to introduce my friends to each other. I used to worry that the differences in their energies or tastes may not blend well, and that the marriage of the memories of the varied parts of my life that they represented, may prove too much for me to endure. Also, I learned early on that friendships among all your friends is not always possible and that forcing such a friendship can destroy the relationship with all parties involved. Yet they shared one key element, their friendship with me, and this gave me the confidence to try, with successful results!
I have also been a loner, walking long hallways without a glance to those about me and wearing a mask of incivility. I have wept because of the pain of wretchedness and loneliness. But I have also benefitted from the solitude and grown stronger as an individual, becoming aware of my own needs and capabilities. I have broadened my understanding of the meaning of the term ‘Independence’ and developed confidence as well.
I will not presume to recommend one experience over the other. Each was critical to my development. However, I will say this. Most of us thrive when surrounded by a loving and helpful support network. But we must also guard against toxic individuals- people who do not care about our growth and may even attempt to subvert it. We must never confuse a crowd with our support network but instead identify those within it who will build us up and hold them close.
Friendship takes many forms but is always based on trust
Similarly, we must not underestimate the benefit of seclusion as it provides an opportunity for reflection. Yet we must pay attention to the voices within ourselves, and more so the messages uttered. If we are too focused on painful memories or fears or insecurities and spend the period of isolation ripping our self-concept apart, throwing ourselves into a depression, we must return to our support network. If we cannot due to distance or a lack of courage we must do all in our power to amplify the voices that are uttering empowering ideas.
We can achieve so much in life. And the rich reward that is happiness may fill our own hearts with joy or may be shared with loved ones. If we spend this year planting the seeds of love and friendship, by loving others and being a friend to them; show appreciation for those we have now and most importantly, appreciate ourselves, we can be sure that love and friendship will bloom, enveloping us in beauty.
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