Dear Jade
I had only been married for 18 months when my husband decided he wanted a divorce. We met at a club and at first I wasn’t really interested in him, but he kept calling and taking me out, until eventually I came round to the idea and he grew on me. We were married in a lavish ceremony in Antigua on the beach overlooked by many of our friends and family and I have to admit it was the best day of my life, I was the centre of attention and we partied hard – I loved it. I don’t believe my husband’s family ever really liked me so I’m sure they must be so glad that he left me. But I’m still hurting and upset, we argued like most couples do, mainly about money and his ability to do what he did before but I still can’t find a good enough reason for him to end it all and walk away leaving me to live in the house he paid for. What should I do, I want answers?
Simone
It is my natural human instinct to offer sympathy and empathy when someone is hurt or upset, and so this is what I offer to you now. However each of us must be honest with ourselves and admit and acknowledge the part we often play when our relationships do not go the way we had planned them to. And this is what I am asking you to do now. At the start of your letter you describe how you met your husband and say that you were not too keen on him from the start, I mean he must have known this and it seems to me that although you warmed to him you never actually used the words ‘love’ to describe your relationship. Did you love him? Do you still? Did he at anytime feel or understand this love from you? All too often we assume that the person we are in a relationship with should just know how we are feeling and this is wrong, we have to show and hear affection. You again describe your lavish wedding but no mention of how you felt about being married to this man or the uniting of your families. The love and support of each others family should never be discounted as this support so often becomes crucial when difficulties and children are born.
Photos courtesy chiangmailawyer.com
Why do you hold the belief that your husband’s family doesn’t like you? Is it something they have said or is it a vibe you’ve picked up on? Could it be that they also have picked up on a vibe coming from you in regards to your husband, maybe they didn’t believe that you really love him for whatever reason.
Is it wrong of me to say that maybe your husband felt as though what you really loved was the things he was able to do and provide for you and not him you really loved. If this is the case then this is very sad but it is a situation that only you can change. I would suggest that you sit down alone and seriously think about the relationship, in past present and future terms. Is it a relationship that you were happy in? Is he a man that you can love and show love to? Is this relationship something worth fighting for and will he even consider a reunion. After doing this and coming to a conclusion either approach him with a view to repairing the relationship, or ending it for good.
