Lifestyle Columnist, Amanda Alexander
Today I was honoured to be interviewed by the amazing Delia Delor, journalist and presenter on her radio show ‘Metaphorically Speaking’ which was aired today on ‘Colourful Radio’. The interview not only highlighted my dear mother’s disappearance but also shed insight on how we are to maintain relationships with those we love even though they’re pushing us away with their actions because of mental illness.
It is very easy to cut someone out of your life when their behaviour is disrespectful, uncalled for and unexpected, but when it’s your mother or a loved one, how do you maintain such relationships, especially when you’re being treated like poo?
I used to respond to my mother’s abusive behaviour with venom and didn’t want anything to do with her. In my early twenties I disliked my mother intensely, because the pain she inflicted on my brothers and I was indescribable and very deep.
However, as I matured and came to an understanding of God’s love I knew I had to extend His love to my mother which also included forgiveness. When I mention the word love, I’m not referring to the human kind of love which is selfish. I had to respond to my dear mother with God’s love as mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 which is selfless. The Bible states that:- “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails”.
God taught me to not view my mother and her mental illness as one. Meaning that my mother was the illness and the illness was my mother, I had to see my mother as a human and her predicament as a condition. In understanding this I would have patience with her which is one of the facets of love. I also understood that cutting my mother off was rude, and God’s love is not rude and that I had to trust Him for my mother’s restoration. This brought me to a place of serenity and peace knowing that by loving my mother God’s way I would be empowered to pray and be compassionate towards her and not take her behaviour on board personally.
If you have a loved one suffering from mental or any type of illness which manifests in their behaviour towards you being hot or cold, ask God to show you how to love them. In doing so you’ll be able to pray and love with a pure heart from a distance which is good for your well-being.
Until next time, remember you are beautiful and wonderfully made – With love Amanda x
Amanda Alexander is a Pastor, Teacher, TV Media Journalist; Founder of Female Dignity & Amanda Alexander Productions
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