Authentic Chick Please Help… I can’t get It Up!

Hello there, I am not sure if this is the advice column that I should write to but my wife has asked me to do so. She heard that this is a new forum for so many issues, so here goes! I have not been able to have sex with her since three weeks ago.
I am ashamed of myself. I can’t get it up! You know what I mean.

I am a respected gentleman in our community and she, well, my dear wife is one fine woman. She is one of the greatest women in my lifetime and the mother of our four children. I feel as if I am losing all hope of keeping her at my side. She doesn’t complain about anything at all but when I couldn’t get it up, I saw another side of her. She became frustrated and burnt the food for the first time in twenty five years. What is wrong with me? Am I going to die? This is the third advice column that I am writing anonymously. Thank you so much.

Depressed and angry,
St Johns, Antigua

My dear depressed and angry,
So you are in the USA. That’s fine. Yes, I am hoping that the advice I gave you will be taken on board. To begin with, have you tried drinking an eight ounce glass of “room temperature” water one hour before you try to “get it up?” I am not kidding you. My eighty year old uncle used to drink two bottles of coconut water daily and just before he retired for bed, he was known to have his glass of water. Room temperature! Positive!

How do I know that he was going to get his “groove” on with Aunt Matilda almost three days per week? Everyone in the neighborhood knew that Aunt Matilda and Uncle Carson still had what it takes to make the floorboards shake in special ways ! It was no secret what that water could do! They have departed this life and may their souls rest in peace. But here you are now! Why walk around with a depressed mood and to be angry? No, no, no! Another thing, check your diet and visit the doctor if you haven’t done so as yet. You have to try and fix this problem with your libido!

I am not sure of your age but be prepared to read about your issue. You may be ill or you may be going through that phase of penis -oh- pause! You know that I have to get my little laugh sometimes. Yes, some men will eventually succumb to erectile dysfunction. Might I ask whether you have prostate problems? Check this out at the doctor or at your health clinic soonest. By the way, erectile dysfunction is very common among men over the age of 50 years among African-Americans/West Indians as some reports suggest. No need to be ashamed at all.

I just love how Missus reacted!! No dick, nothing to lick (from the plate of course!) Some other women would have cursed you out but not her! She burnt the food and like hell, you better get that thing up again and then the good food will be cooked! So, would you please go and check yourself? When you are done, whatever the doctor says, please sit with your wife and have a conversation. There are other ways of having satisfying sexual pleasure even into those golden years.

Ta, Ta… Authentic Chick!