Ram Goat
In the last episode we saw how I reacted to my dad’s insensitive approach to dealing with my pain and my loss over Angel and Hamish. We saw how my spontaneous and crass response earned me two legendary slaps intended to knock the sense back into my straying brain!
It’s been a week since my scolding from my dad who by this time was well back into his absentee routine and loving it…at least so my friends told me from the reports of their parents. I always wondered why mom did nothing about it but on hindsight I’m inclined to believe she dealt with it in her own unique way. I’m also tempted to believe his behaviour is a major part of why she treated me that way.
By now the pain from the slap had worn off and I was back on track to nowhere and nothing specific. I had no girlfriend no side kick / best friend and nobody my age to share in my dreams, aspirations and thoughts of what a better and different life would be like. I saw Hamish a few times during this period but we never spoke, he kept to himself when he was alone and paid no attention to me when he was with his new friends. He knew how to make a guy feel like excrement.
I decided after stumbling across a Playboy magazine on the floor at the back of my Science class that I was going to learn all I could about girls without revealing my curiosity, thoughts and feelings to anyone. I was amazed at the graphic pictures of the beautiful women that posed half and fully naked, many of whom seemed just a couple of years older than me.
What astonished me most were the articles, the stories of male / female encounters that in many cases involved sexual intercourse. I was intrigued and fascinated by how much I was learning and to think I was doing it all by myself without losing my dignity to any friend or judgemental adult. Finally I was into an area most of the guys at school had no clue about and I thought of myself becoming an authority on matters pertaining to the bedroom…a Boudoir Connoisseur, so to speak. I suddenly felt a lot more confident about my prospects with the popular guys and definitely able to initiate a conversation with a girl and hold my own throughout without giving up anything.
I was on a complete high now in my second week of discovery and determined to learn all I could about the things women like to hear men say, how they like to be treated, how they like to be spoken to, what they don’t like and so on. I was absolutely loving it! I got so engrossed in this adventure that I got sloppy with protecting my little secret that I one day forgot a copy of the latest Playboy magazine in the toilet and a guy I scarcely knew took it straight to the headmaster. I was horrified and thought to myself…Life Sucks!! Ram Goat
