Staff Writer – Carol Cato
Finding a life partner has always been a problem for Christian women, especially older women in church. With the opportunity technology gives us people are wondering, ‘is it Biblical to use the internet to find a husband or wife?’.
My Blog today is about Christian’s dating online….These are my thoughts and experience and you will make up your own minds, but as in everything, we must pray and consult our Lord on all our decisions.
‘Dating’ is not found in the Bible;although we’re given some guiding principles for Christians during the time before marriage. The first is that we must separate from the world’s view on dating which contradicts with God’s way. (2 Peter 2:20)You may think I’m contradicting myself, but the world’s view may be to date around as much as we want, the important thing is to the character of a person before making any commitments to them. We should know if the person has been born again in the Spirit of Christ (John 3:3-8) and if they share the same desire toward Christ-likeness (Philippians 2:5). The aim of online dating is finding a life partner, the Bible tells us that, as Christians, we should not marry an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14-15) to do so would weaken our relationship with Christ and compromise our moral standards.
The Bible also tells us to be careful about giving our affections, because our heart influences everything else in our life. (Proverbs 4:23). We need to remember these principles when finding a partner.As an older person it seems to be harder to find that special person. There are Christians who have been told by their Pastors that they have to wait for their husband to find them, as the Bible says “He who finds a wife”. However, this has left a lot of women waiting for over 30+ years without a husband or family of their own. Although this is quoted in the Bible it does not mean that you cannot put yourself in a position for a suitable partner to find you.
To find that special person you may need to change your way of thinking and also pray for guidance. If you attend the same church every week, you’re unlikely to meet new people. Consider visiting other churches once a month.
Volunteering is always a good way to meet other people whether you help out at your own church or another church. You should also make the effort to attend seminars and functions. They may not necessarily be Christian events but Christians often attend these functions too.
Christian Couple. Courtesy 123rf.com
Here are some tips for Internet Dating:
- Look for dedicated Christian dating sites; they are many; although Christians also use other dating websites.
- If you join a dating site, use the ‘free’ option until you’re happy with the people you’ve seen
- Always create a new email address before joining a dating site, so if you need to give out an email address you can give that one.
- Never give your correct name on the Internet site, always use an alias. Infact, use the alias first to create your email account name.
- Always ensure that you include in your profile page that you are Christian or a believer and that you are looking for the same. On a non-Christian dating site ensure that you include in your profile that you are looking for a husband or wife and that you don’t want any time wasters. With the Christian dating sites you may not have to put this information because you are asked this when you create your profile, but you will want to state this on the non-Christian sites and that you’re looking for a Christian who attends church frequently.
- Be aware that on non-Christian sites you might be approached by non-Christian men even though they will have read your profile.
- It’s helpful to put a picture of yourself on your page so that people can see what you look like, this will attract more people to your profile
- When you do communicate with someone, be careful not to give out telephone numbers, unless you are ready to meet up and then only give a mobile number.
- Don’t let them know where you live or where you work
- If you think the picture of the person you connected with is too good to be true, you’re probably right. Go with your gut instinct and let the Holy Spirit guide you and also ask them to send you another picture.
- When you do decide to meet up, tell someone else what you’re doing and where you’re going. Arrange to meet in a public place, and if possible take a friend along with you. If your friend can’t accompany you, ask them to meet up with you later at the end of the date. Again let the Holy Spirit talk to you, pray before you meet and ask God if this is the right person for you.
- If you feel the person is not right for you, you can send them an email when you get home thanking them for their time and telling them you won’t be keeping in contact.
- If you are happy with the person you have met, continue to meet in public places until you are comfortable to meet in private.
- Scammers can be anywhere in the world. They can get a UK number to call you, but when you call the number you will know if it is an international number. Listen out for the accent and notice the spelling in their emails to you, it’s usually a sign that they’re not from the UK.
- Watch out if someone claims to be in love with you after a short space of time, question it, usually the next line could be, “I would really like to come and see you but … I don’t have the money, or the job did not pay me, or a family member was ill and they have to pay her medical bills, etc”. Do not give money to anyone under any circumstances
Finally, do not compromise on what you want, even Christians can fall short of the mark. DON’T be tempted into sexual sin, you may fall in love and feel it’s ok because you’re planning to get married but DON’T. Although a Christian should not date for too long before marriage, they might find it becomes difficult to keep sexual feelings in check.
If you are a woman DON’T play the wife until you are married, this means cooking and cleaning for him. You might do this once in a while but do not make it a regular act. You might think that it’s OK to do this because you’re not having sex but the danger is that he might not be thinking of marrying you, but is happy to have you around to help him with his housework.
Don’t let the relationship drag on for years. If your intention was to find a wife or husband don’t let that goal slip away from you. Make sure your partner has the same marriage intentions.
If you require further advice please send me a message.
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