Staff Writer - Katrin Callender
I am always grateful when I turn on the television or open a magazine at the salon, and see a woman that looks like me. I breathe a sigh of relief and thank God for this sign that it might just be indicative of the widening of the concept of beauty to encompass all. Because every face has a story- stands as a testament to a life- which is beautiful in my book.
It’s been over a decade and a half since a so-called friend stared me square in the eyes and said, “yuh know, you ugly!” Perhaps I should have been excited to find that I was a part of one of the most memorable scenes of the Color Purple, having never done an audition and having never been cast. Sarcasm aside, I was very stunned.
I did not spend my days before a magic mirror questioning whether I was the fairest in the land, but in spite of the insecurities that naturally occur at puberty, I had not labeled myself the hag either. It was not the first time that I had met the word, but I had never had it used to describe me. I was always able to dismiss it, and was never called upon to really interrogate its meaning or the implications of the use of the word.
Now that I was aware of the word, I found myself curious about it. What, I wondered, made a person or thing ugly? And then there was the chorus of pre-pubescent voices singing in a high and taunting pitch, “U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi, you ugly!” Apparently, ‘ugly’ was not just a negative word, the act of being ugly was itself a crime. This was a shocking development! I was more determined than ever to understand this word.
As I grew up and studied, I could see where connections might be made between one’s looks and one’s role. Numerous tales spoke of a beautiful princess and the hideous evil hag that sought to harm her and pageants rewarded beautiful women with titles like Ms. World and Ms. Universe- they got a crown and ruled it all! I began to worry, it seemed that my fate was sealed and it wasn’t going to be pretty- pun intended!
Jocelyn Wildenstein made herself ugly through Usd$4million unnecessary plastic surgery - how ironic! Photo courtesy topsocialite.com
Today, I reflect on those days and I can chuckle. Puberty is certainly a challenge, but we survive because we focus our energies on moving away from that chaotic and stressful experience, and into one that we have the power to shape. Consider the dreams you had or those of your children. We see ourselves acquiring wealth or power or fame, because we want to control our futures and not be trapped by the labels people freely apply.
I am truly happy to see campaigns like “My Black is Beautiful” or the campaigning done by Dove, which seeks to help people, especially women grow more confident. Many young people will find that they can do it without the help of these campaigns, as has been the case for years, but for those who might not be able to, it is quite a blessing.
I have not learned all I can about the word ugly- why it’s used; where it comes from; or what it really means- and I am often too busy to investigate, especially now that the urgency is no longer there. But while I would love to have those questions answered, I dream of a world where youngsters, especially girls could be free to play and to be without meeting the word. Until such time, I hope they find that they are surrounded by individuals who will show them that the word need not hold power over them- that they are beautiful because they are here!
