Lifestyle Columnist, Amanda Alexander
After all, we as human beings are flawed, and we cannot fall out with everyone who breaches our trust and hurts our heart.
Recently I embarked on a project with someone very close to me, I’d known them for over 3 years and truly believed in their product and wanted them to have international exposure. However I didn’t expect to be so disrespected and for no reason.
My contacts planned a tour for them which was extremely successful. I was so happy and prepared myself to stay in the shadows to let them shine, but they insisted on my being present as they spoke to their different audiences. Without my asking, they even granted me the opportunity to speak to their crowd. Not only was I surprised and flattered by their kind invitation but was deeply touched by this kind gesture to include me, as I only saw myself as part of the coordinating team, not one of their speakers.
You can imagine my dismay when they returned home and informed their people of the great time they had on their tour. They took full credit for everything, no thanks was given to the organisers for the fantastic, hard work involved in putting their tour together, there was no acknowledgement of my involvement behind the scenes and with their audience, needless to say I was extremely shocked, disappointed and very hurt by the behaviour of these people.
Furthermore, prior to their leaving I hosted them at my home, prepared a lovely meal, washed their clothes and gave them food for their journey as they were travelling a long distance. I was left with the impression that everyone and everything was great, but I was wrong. When they arrived home, I hadn’t heard from them until late afternoon the following day, and then was ignored for a few days afterwards when I asked for information pertaining to the trip. I was truly flabbergasted, and felt hurt for the organisers and myself. These people sold a fair amount of merchandise and when I notified them about this, I didn’t even receive a thank you.
Being greatly disturbed by this disrespectful behaviour I went to God in prayer, as I didn’t want a heart of bitterness and resentment as I’d known these people for 3 ½ years. God told me to forgive and pray for those who despitefully use you, (yes I and my contacts felt used). I now understand why Jesus didn’t entrust himself to man because he knew what was in man. Since as humans we have to live in relationships and not be falling out all over the place with each other, my question to God is ‘how do I navigate this situation?’.
God said two things to me which were, “establish boundaries and never arrange anything for anyone again without discussing managing expectations, this way everyone will be on the same page”. I must admit I didn’t think that I would have to establish boundaries and expectations concerning common courtesy, but it seems in the age that we now live in that we must.
You may be in a situation right now where you want to throw in the towel on a friend/relationship because you’ve been used. My advice to you would be to follow what God said to me and allow Him to heal your heart. I haven’t challenged their selfish behaviour because I want God to deal with their heart to change their selfishness permanently rather than employ behaviour modification which only brings about a temporal change. Only prayer can deal with this kind of nasty spirit, prayer keeps our heart soft and demonstrates our love for mankind. Yes it’s hard praying for someone who’s used you, but at least you can live knowing that you’re serving mankind to the best of your ability, which is through prayer.
So until next time, remember you are beautiful and wonderfully made – With love Amanda x
Amanda Alexander is a Pastor, Teacher, TV Media Journalist
Founder of Female Dignity, Warrior Women, Amanda Alexander Production. She serves on the leadership team of New Life Church in Bishops Stortford and ministry coordinator for Patrick’s Mission
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