Detaching From Unhealthy Relationships

My silence these last few weeks was me taking time out to deal with a serious situation that had the potential of me suffering physical harm from a lady called Sarah, (not her real name). 

I want to encourage you that if ever you are subject to life and suicide threats, please call the police, inform your family and friends. I didn’t take prosecutory measures against this lady, but asked the police to assist with medical intervention. In cases where one is being attacked by someone with mental health the best way to help them is by getting them medical assistance rather than having them arrested and put in Jail. 

Sarah and I attended the same church where we befriended each other. I found her to be a beautiful, polite young lady, one who was kind with a strong work ethic. After a few weeks of getting to know each other we exchanged phone numbers, I had no reason to suspect red flags but in hindsight there were many. 

Sarah began to confide in me about her childhood and how she felt about her family. Because I’d previously heard stories regarding the shenanigan going ons in various families, Sarah’s situation didn’t sound abnormal to me. We’re living in an age now that if I hear the history of families that weren’t riddled with drama I’d  be totally shocked and surprised. 

Sarah would call me at all hours of the day and night, despite being told “I’m at work and cannot be on the phone all day”,  she continued with her onslaught of phone calls, and whenever she saw me she demanded my sole attention to the exclusion of others. 

I was also told by others who knew Sarah, that whenever she called to speak with them, I was the main topic of her conversation, this led to them becoming concerned for my safety as they could sense that an obsession by Sarah towards me was brewing. As she grew more comfortable with me Sarah would brag about her suicide attempts. This disturbed me greatly as suicide is not something to joke about, I was also subject to her suicidal attempts via WhatsApp video, I immediately reported this to the police, who would visit Sarah to make sure that she was okay. 

At times I would sit with Sarah, listen to her painful stories and pray with her which she greatly appreciated. I really thought we were making headway into her living and speaking positively. However, recently I said the word ‘NO’, and reiterated to Sarah that she was a smart beautiful lady who did not need to sink to low level, rude behaviour. That day I was threatened, I was then faced with a barrage of abuse on my phone and social media pages for a whole week, I had to get the police involved.  My friends were also sent obscene images by Sarah, of self harming with messages to say that her death would be my fault, needless to say I was frantic. 

The situation is now resolved with Sarah getting the help she needs but sadly our friendship had to end. In the event you find yourself in such a situation as much as you love that person you need to put yourself first, put distance between you and call on the powers to be who can help the person far more effectively than you can. The reason I cannot stay friends with Sarah is because she doesn’t understand boundaries, it’s best to leave things as they are for both of us, it’s safer that way and it may be safer for you too! 

Until next time, remember you are beautiful and wonderfully made – With love Amanda x     Amanda Alexander is a Pastor, Teacher, TV Media Journalist

Founder of Female Dignity & Amanda Alexander Productions

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