Can Sex Only On My Birthdays Lead To A Bad Marriage?

Dear Authentic Chick,

“What do you mean that you had birthday sex for the past fifteen years to spice up our life?” I was hearing myself asking this question over and over again in my head. I can’t sleep at nights. I am wondering what is going to happen to him this birthday which is in two weeks time. I am sitting here in front of the mirror with my hair brush in my hand and he is lying on the bed as if nothing has happened in our relationship. Isn’t this a broken marriage? Tell me please. I asked him and he said, “if it ain’t break, why fix it?”

Authentic Chick, I can’t bring myself to acknowledge or even come to terms with the fact that my husband of nearly forty years admitted to me that he has had birthday sex for fifteen years now. I am thinking that I might as well be dead. Am I really living in this world?

Unbelievable in Uganda.

Dearest Unbelievable in Uganda,

Welcome to the club. Some men are like that but so too are some women. They cheat and it has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with you. I am getting the sense that he feels it is normal behaviour and you are not comfortable with this matter.

First of all, bring yourself to acknowledge and come to terms with the fact that you have a broken marriage. In the Western World and everywhere I have travelled, it is a broken marriage that you are experiencing. No way is it normal behaviour, birthday sex or not, this cannot be the ‘new normal’. Why? It is NOT normal behaviour.

Girl friend, it took you this long to find out that he has been cheating on you for the past fifteen years. You did say, fifteen years. Bless you! Baby girl, put that brush down or I do believe that you will have to put that brush down! No sense hitting him with the brush because it won’t help. Look, you are NOT dead and don’t even think about killing yourself over this husband of yours. That won’t help the situation.

If you can continue living with him, go right ahead. If you can’t then do something like seeking professional counselling. If that doesn’t work, you are NOT too old to start living a life that is separate and apart from this man.

You have all the necessary pre-requisites to get yourself a divorce although this should be the last resort. You could get a legal separation if divorce is not part of your culture. Whatever you do, make sure you look after yourself baby girl. There are hundreds of sexually transmitted diseases out there that can finally make their way into your system and end your life prematurely.

What a way to destroy trust and all that makes for a comfortable married life. Don’t blame yourself for not finding out sooner. After all, you did find out.

Plan your life with you in mind and live the rest of your days as the good Lord would allow. Get additional support from a prayer group or other support groups in your area. No shame in that at all. Know this – your husband will never change as you heard him right! Wishing you the best!