Staff writer - Maureen Gordon
Self-esteem means taking pride in one self; it is having a sense of personal worth and ability which is fundamental to our individual identity. It has been established that most self-esteem problems start with early life experiences, a person’s self-esteem can be eroded away by negative voices and those critical voices can take root in your mind and a foundation can be laid. People can and do grow up with haunting words which reinforce their negative self-image:
- I am no good
- I am worthless
- I am rubbish
- I am not as good as…..
The list can be endless for those of us who have struggled with low self-esteem.
An inspiring song which I often play is by a Christian worship leader by the name of Kirk Franklyn the song is called Imagine me. It gives a powerful message about the things that can happen in one’s life that can scar you and determine how you view yourself and how you think others see you. The key verse of the song goes: “Imagine me, loving what I see when the mirror looks at me because I imagine me. In a place of no insecurities and I am finally happy because I imagine me, letting go of all the ones who hurt me, saying no to thoughts that try to control me over what my mummy said over what my daddy did.” The song speaks of the restoring of our self-image.
The face of a confident child
Parents have a major part to play in helping their children to develop a positive self-image and self-worth. It starts in the home with your words. There is an old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.” The fact of the matter is that this is not true and words do hurt; often years after the broken bones have healed. Therefore building a positive self-image for our children is the building block for their future; it starts when they are young and continues into their teenage years and beyond. Negative words are sometimes said in anger and are not meant but sometimes it is too late once it has left our lips, the damage has already started.
On a daily basis my work brings me into contact with young people who have a negative self-image. This distorted image of their self-worth can lead to many problems and difficulties in their learning and in their general well-being. It is often very difficult for them to see anything positive about their situation, or about themselves especially if it has been entrenched since childhood. I have found that supporting someone with a negative self-image is a gradual process and it takes time for them to see themselves as a “special” or “great person.”
There is a deep need in all of us to feel that we belong that we are loved and accepted. It is only right to feel this way because we are designed to be within a family unit, to be involved in relationships. We were not designed to live on an island on our own. For some young people, suffering from low self-esteem, with no-one to support or encourage them can be a life or death situation, because making wrong choices can lead to disaster.
I also feel there is the individual design that is in all of us. The miracle of our uniqueness is seen in our finger print, there is not another person with the same finger print in a world of over 6 billion people. I believe this uniqueness should be celebrated… when we were made the mould was broken. The responsibility that parents have to build on their children’s uniqueness and to build up their self-esteem cannot be underestimated. Here are some suggestions I believe will help build children and young people’s self-esteem.
- Consistent encouragement and affirmation when they do well, we must not just concentrate on the negative things they do.
- Show your children that you love them unconditionally, that their behaviours do not diminish your love for them.
- When disciplining try to avoid blaming, or criticising, or using words that will harm.
I look forward to your comments
