Staff writer - Latoya Wakefield

I thought what I needed was that man to make me dinner by the candle light, bring me chocolate and a big teddy bear on Valentine’s Day.

The kind of man who would secretly put love notes where you’ll always find it to make my day. I thought there was Mr. Right, my prince…but I was wrong.  Nothing’s perfect and no human being is ideal.

You live…You make mistakes…You learn…and then life becomes more exciting. When I think about it having the perfect man would be boring. A man who knows exactly everything you need, want and think….no arguments then no makeup sex….no bad times then the good times wouldn’t be as appreciated…no downs then things won’t be as exotic.

We’re human beings; we’re supposed to not know everything. We do trial and error. Murphy’s Law does exist and life is life. We live, we love, we laugh and we die and that’s the universal truth.

Happy couple...?

Some people strike it ‘lucky’ and find that significant other who can finish their sentences, who open the door  for them, who look deeply in their eyes even after 50 years of marriage, who still hold hands at age 80…

folks who are happy spending the rest of their lives with that  person, the whole shebang while others struggle through everyday wondering “Lawd why mi tek up dat man/ woman yah” and at the end of the day they remember the reason while others never find any semblance  of love… just abuse, hurt, pain, bitterness.

The ugly truth is…that’s life. What’s your experience…?

One of the most important questions is, ‘are you happy with you being who you’re with?’ I know this might seem grammatically wrong but read it again. If you didn’t get it, let me explain; are you happy with yourself while you’re in a relationship? It’s very important that you are. If you aren’t, you know what to do. I could say it but you know. It’s easy to say but so difficult to do…

A friend once told me stop searching for the right man, find the right you and the best man will come along without you having to search.  How many people are satisfied with who they are? How many people have found the right them? You have to be contended with who you are before you share yourself with anyone else.

My mother told me at aged 20 when I called her about some problems I was having in my relationship. I wanted her advice… rather I wanted answers. I thought mom could solve it, she could tell me what to do. You know what mom said, she said ‘Yu affi fi know what you can take’. I was taken aback by that response, which was not the answer I was looking for.

I thought she would tell me to leave ‘di bway’ or not, instead she left me to find my own conclusion. She told me I have to make my decision. I was more confused when she told me that. I thought she would make my decisions for me. I thought dad would interrogate my spouse to see if he was suitable enough for me.

I thought my family would be a threat like in Jazmine Sullivan’s ’10 seconds’. However, they never did any of that. I was a bit appalled, shocked even upset but they were right. My life, my decisions, my consequences…that’s how it is…

To be continued…